how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
