who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
