FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
