i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
