i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
