it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
