I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
