His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
