We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
