Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
