Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This is classic penis vs brain.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
