dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
