Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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