I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
