Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
