oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize