I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
