May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
True strength comes from lack of pants
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