Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
God I need to hump something, right now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
