I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I deserve this hangover.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
