? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Terrible idea I love it
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
