Already got asked if we're dating
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
