I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
