Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
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So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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