I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
