You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You pole danced in your parka.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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