so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize