She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
