So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
