I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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