Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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