I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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