Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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