We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
