Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
