Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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