I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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