chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
