Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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