I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
