By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
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I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY