Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together

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(606): View more from Kentucky

i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.

Fav 20 4139 2695
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(303): View more from Colorado

I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.

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(716): View more from New York

I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?

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Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(859): View more from Kentucky

Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.

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(520): View more from Arizona

There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.

Fav 7 3208 1081
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Those were the highlights of my night.

Fav 8 2286 1025
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(206): View more from Washington

I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.

Fav 1 1244 679
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'

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