I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
