Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."