I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!