i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
