So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My balls are so social today.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
