Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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