this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
