make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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