Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
