"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
