but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
