you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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