didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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