I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
