Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
