I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
