Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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