I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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