I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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