I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
