Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
