I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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