i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
