my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
