Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
