you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
