my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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