Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
