is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
