she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
