I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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