I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
