He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
