I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
