Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
