i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
