I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
