I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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