He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
