We won't sleep together?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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