I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
