Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
