They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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