maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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